Negative
Language
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Positive
Language
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Explanation
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"Give up", "surrender", "relinquish", "adopt out", "put up for adoption."
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Make an adoption plan;transfer parental rights;choose a family to parent the child.
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Terms such as "give up" or "surrender" are emotionally charged terms that imply coercion rather than a thought-out decision made by birth parents. In most cases, the birth parents actively participate in selecting adoptive parents for their child.
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"Real" or "Natural" parent or child. Who is the real parent? Which one is your natural child?
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birth parent; biological parent; genetic parent; family of origin
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The use of "real" implies that the adoption is not a reality or that it is unnatural. The term "birth parent(s)" describes the life-giving roles these person(s) play in the child's life.
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"Illegitimate" ; "unwanted"
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No substitute.
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Factors of birth should no longer stigmatize a child. Bury the word "illegitimate" with the past and let the child enjoy respect and full, unqualified rights as a family member. Edna Gladney was responsible for removing this term from birth certificates in Texas.
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"Unmarried/unwed Mother or Father"
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Birth mother, birth father;biological parents.
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These labels stigmatize and place moral judgments on the birth parents. They imply that only marriage legitimizes birth -- a cultural concept that ultimately hurts the child.
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"My adopted child/my own." Sue is my adopted child and Kevin is my own.
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My/our child; my/our son/daughter; my/our child whom I/we adopted.
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Adoption is a process, not an adjective. When the process is completed, the adopted youngster becomes a "child" in the family just as any other and should be referred to as such. Saying "my adopted child" implies a second-class or qualified relationship. Distinguishing between your "own" child and an adopted child reflects a sense of "ownership" of one and not the other. Both children belong equally to the family.
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