Marriage
Marriage between two people can be a wonderfully fulfilling experience when both people are prepared to make a loving commitment to one another. However, even in the best of marriages, learning to live with another person can be challenging and often times frustrating. As you consider your unplanned pregnancy, you and the father of your child may be trying to decide if marriage is the right decision for the two of you. When thinking about this option, it is important to take into account the positives as well as the challenges of marriages.
Many individuals believe that they will be married at some point in their life and studies show there are many benefits to marriage. According to research, people who are married typically are happier, healthier, and wealthier. They are better equipped to cope with major life crises such as severe illness, job loss, or the responsibilities of caring for a sick child. Married people are also far less likely to be poor.**
According to the University of Michigan's Monitoring the Future Survey, the vast majority of high school seniors (82% of senior girls and 70% of senior boys) agree that a good marriage is extremely important to them and disapprove of divorce. Social psychologist, Dr. Susan Boone, claims that happy marriages are based on a deep friendship, knowing each other well, and having mutual respect.
Sadly, the reality is that many marriages still end in divorce and statistics suggest marriages that occur as a result of an unplanned pregnancy have a 90% divorce rate within 6 years of getting married (Cite - A Case for Adoption). When a couple begins a marriage with the added responsibility of raising a child, things become very stressful. Children demand an incredible amount of time and energy from their parents, time that the couple needs to build a healthy mature relationship.
The following questions are designed to help guide you with your decision about marriage:
- How long have you been in a relationship with the father of the baby?
- Is he someone you can always count on?
- Have you discussed marriage more than the other?
- Would the two of you get married right now even if you weren't pregnant?
- Will he be an active part of your pregnancy and delivery?
- Do you trust him?
- What kind of father and husband do you think he will make?
**For a comprehensive summary of research evidence, see Waite., L. & Gallagher, M. (2000). The Case for Marriage. New York: Doubleday, 2000; Parke, M. (2003). Are Married parents Really Better for Children?: What Research Says About the Effects of Family Structure on Child Well-being. Washington, DC: Center for Law and Social Policy; Zagorsky, J.L. (2005). Marriage and Divorce's Impact on Wealth. Journal of Sociology 4 (14) 406-424. The Australian Sociological Association).
If you would like additional tools designed to assist you in looking at your own preparedness to be a parent, work through these worksheets:
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