Also in birth moms speak: emily's story | anne's story | marcy's story | angela's story
Marcy's Story*
This is a speech that Marcy gives, to help people understand her personal adoption experiences.
(*Names have been changed to protect confidentiality)
My experience 8 years ago with a teenage pregnancy and becoming a birth parent was the most painful one of my life. However, it was also the most significant turning point of my life. God took what seemed to be an impossible situation and turned it into a beautiful testimony for myself, a little boy named Michael* and his parents.
During my senior year of high school at the age of 18, I was faced with the challenge of an unplanned pregnancy. It was the most uncertain and scary time of my life. The father of the baby made it clear that he did not want to be a part of the baby's life and I was left to make all the decisions on my own. In my mind I had only two options, to terminate the pregnancy or to keep the baby. In my heart, I knew I could not terminate the pregnancy. My older sister and I had been born to teenage parents and although we had some hard times and they later divorced, I was thankful that they had loved us enough to choose to give us life. I wanted to do the right thing as well and face up to the consequences of my actions.
Once I decided to keep the baby, I had to break the news to my family and felt so ashamed and afraid of what they would think. Once the initial shock wore off and I had told everyone the news, the harsh realities of my situation began to sink in. I would not be attending my senior prom or graduating with the rest of my friends. My dreams of going to college and becoming a teacher or journalist would have to be put on hold indefinitely. So I quit school and worked on a plan to raise my baby. My aunt from Texas who was like a second mother to me had expressed that she really wanted to help me so I decided to leave my home and move to Fort Worth, where I would live with her.
I felt that my baby would not be able to have the security and stability that he deserved and I began to do some real soul searching. I was nearly five months pregnant and becoming so attached to the tiny baby growing inside me. I was feeling his first tiny movements and realizing how much I already loved him and really wanted to raise him. I often lay awake at night crying out to God for a solution.
Before my pregnancy, I had heard a few adoption stories but did not really understand the miracle it could hold for all three parties involved. I also shared the common misconception that only a cold, uncaring mother could give away her own child. So when my aunt sat me down one evening and suggested that I consider adoption I was surprised and hurt. She continued to tell me about some friends of hers who could not have children and adopted a baby through a well known agency in the area, The Gladney Center for Adoption. After we talked, I began to feel that maybe this could be the answer for me. But I truly wanted to keep the baby so the only thing I could do was look to God for guidance. So that night I got on my knees before God and with an open heart cried out for Him to give me the answer.
Soon after that experience, I made an appointment to meet with a counselor at Gladney and tour the home. Any doubts I had were quickly put to rest after my first visit to Gladney. I was surprised by the very caring and professional atmosphere. After meeting with my wonderful counselor, Debbie, I felt a huge sense of relief and, for the first time, had hope that things were going to work out.
In my sixth month of pregnancy, I moved into Gladney. As I began to meet my roommates and all the other girls at Gladney, I started to feel comfortable and began settling in. It was so reassuring and helpful to be around other young women who faced the same struggle. I shared many laughs and tears with the girls I met and it was an experience I will never forget. Another very helpful and educating experience at Gladney were the meetings we had with adoptive parents who would come and share their stories with us. My heart really went out to them as I learned of their painful journey . . . that led them to look into adoption . . . and to hear how the decision to adopt had blessed their lives.
I felt so honored to know that God was going to use me to help answer a couples' prayer for a baby . . . During my stay at Gladney, I took advantage of the resources offered to me and took a career planning computer class. I also received my GED. Having reached those goals it was now time to start focusing on the most important goal of all . . . and just before my eighth month, I began the very exciting search to find the right family for my baby. I had been praying that God would help me make the best choice possible. I had assumed it was going to take me a long time to decide who would make the best parents for my baby so I was thankful that I had plenty of time to search. To my amazement, the first family that I had been told about were the ones that I chose. They had all the qualities that I had dreamed of and I knew that God had this couple in mind from the moment little Michael was first conceived . . . it truly was a heavenly match. Needless to say, I wanted to know all about them and they were in my thoughts all the time. By my ninth month, I had tied up all the loose ends and made all the arrangements for my baby and for myself, all that was left to do was to wait. I eagerly anticipated meeting the little person who'd lived with me for the past nine months . . . to finally hold him and see what he looked like.
In August, after 20 long hours of labor, I gave birth to a healthy beautiful baby boy. He had big beautiful brown eyes and dark hair. He had wonderful pink chubby cheeks and he was perfect. He was crying when the nurse brought him to me and I remember telling him not to cry that it was going to be all right. When he heard my voice he looked into my eyes, grabbed onto my finger and stopped crying! It was such a special and magical moment and I will never forget it.
After Michael's birth, the next few weeks were the most difficult for me. It was a bittersweet experience to be so happy and so sad at the same time. When I held my beautiful baby boy in my arms and spent some time alone with him for the first time in my life I experienced what true unselfish Love felt like. I realized that I loved Michael enough to let him go . . . I thank God for giving me the amazing selflessness and courage that it took to do so. Little Michael was a brand new life with his whole future ahead of him. I knew that the greatest gift I could give him was to allow him to be part of a stable and secure home with two parents who loved each other and would no doubt love him as their own. They could offer him all of the wonderful opportunities that a single teenage mother could never provide. As I cuddled him, true peace came over me and I never had another doubt about my decision.
Both of my aunts would come with me on my scheduled visits with the baby and we took about five rolls of film. Those pictures are tucked safely away in a beautiful album that I flip through once in a while, usually on his birthdays. It was such a gift to be able to spend time with him. He was very alert for a newborn and I was able to get a glimpse of his sweet little personality and to see his beautiful smile. During those visits I often thought of Michael's parents and how they would soon have the honor of holding, loving and caring for this beautiful, sweet baby. I felt like I was watching over their little one until he could finally meet them and it was also very healing for me to spend time with him because I wanted to be there for him until he could go home.
The first year afterwards was by far the hardest thing I have ever gone through. The physiological changes that were taking place in my body after giving birth coupled with the deep sense of loss I felt, left me on an emotional roller coaster. Through the support I had from God and my family, with time I began to heal. However, it is not something I will ever completely get over.
For many birth parents, as it was in my case, the most encouraging and comforting things are all of the wonderful letters and pictures I have received from Michael's parents. I am so thankful to Michael's parents for continuing to keep in touch with me and giving me the gift of sharing in his life. From the pictures I receive I not only get to see the physical changes in him as he grows, but through his big bright smile and the twinkle in his eye, I can witness just how truly happy and loved he is . . . and that is so heartwarming!!! Every time a large packet comes in the mail from Gladney it is an answer to prayer and makes my whole day!! To see the little guy cuddling his cat and playing happily in his beautiful backyard gives me such peace that he is living the kind of life I had dreamed for him. This is the greatest gift an adoptive parent can give to a birth parent . . . it truly helps us to heal and to move on with pride and peace. Michael's parents also hold a very special place in my heart. I feel forever connected to them because of the beautiful bond we share between us.
Today Michael is a healthy, happy eight year old boy - did I mention that he is beautiful? . . . God has blessed my life so much and I have come a long way in the past eight years. I moved out to New Jersey to become a Nanny hoping to stay only for one year and save money for college. But before my year was up, I met my wonderful husband whom I have been married to for the past four years. We have been blessed with a precious little baby. I am one year shy of receiving my Bachelor's Degree in English and Elementary Education, however, I am currently taking a break from school to stay home and enjoy every exciting moment of being a mommy! Thank you so much for your time and may God bless each and every one of you.
