teen people article: part one | part one, cont'd | part two
Adoption Diary - Part One
17 and pregnant
Reprinted from TEEN PEOPLE magazine
Published August & September, 1999
By Andrea Richardson, as told to Gabrielle Cosgriff
Photographs by Lisa Means
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JANUARY 1999 My name is Andrea Richardson; and I'd like
to tell you my story. I'm 17, and right now, I'm living and going to school at the Gladney Center for Adoption, an adoption agency and maternity home in Fort Worth. My baby is due the first week of May, and then he or she will be placed with adoptive parents. I found out I was pregnant last September. I felt so stupid. Pregnancy was the furthest thing from my teenage mind. Before now, I don't think anyone could've made me understand that this could happen to me. When I told my boyfriend, he was shocked that I would choose adoption. We're no longer involved, and I haven't talked to him for more than three months. Then I told my family - my mom, Diane, my dad, Michael, his wife, Kris, and my brothers Jason, 20, and Nathan, 19. It was the most awful thing I've ever gone through. I guess that's why I want to tell my story. Maybe a girl will read this and realize there are serious consequences to her decisions. Or maybe a pregnant girl will decide to give her baby the opportunities she wouldn't be able to provide. Deciding to give up my baby was one of the hardest choices I'll ever make. But I know it's the right thing: I'm not ready to be a parent, and my baby deserves a better future. So do I. I came here last October; in January, I started my diary for TEEN PEOPLE. |
Friday 1/22/99
I didn't know that anything could be this painful. I ask myself over and over if what I'm doing is right. Logic tells me it is, but that's little comfort to the mother inside me, who just wants to be with her baby forever. It's a wonderful feeling to have this warm little life growing inside me. When I feel its little feet kick me, I realize how much I love it. Sometimes I feel incredibly sad-not for my child but for me.
Saturday 1/23/99
I can't decide what I want to give my baby to remember me by. Whatever it is, this will be all the baby knows of me, so I want it to be right. I was thinking of making a scrapbook about me, my family, my pregnancy and the adoption. Maybe a locket with an inscription, or maybe my own baby blanket.
Monday 1/25/99
Three of the other girls and I sat around my room, talking and eating chocolate. It's so nice to be with all these people who are going through the same thing. Our conversations range from constipation, sex and female anatomy to our feelings about pregnancy and adoption.
Wednesday 1/27/99
One nice thing about this program is 
that I get to choose the baby's adoptive parents, so I should be getting Adoptive Parent (AP) profiles soon. There are still so many things I'm
scared of: that I'll choose the wrong adoptive family-or that maybe I'm making a mistake.
Saturday 1/30/99
Yesterday I found roses on my doorstep. Apparently a florist donated two dozen roses to each birth mom at Gladney. I've never had so many roses at once. I don't have a vase, so I strung all 24 roses up on my wall to dry. I know it's gross, but I have been having the worst gas! Everyone says it's a normal part of pregnancy, but it is so disgusting. We've all lost our shame and embarrassment about things like that.
Monday 2/1/99
I talked to my mom. She knows a lot about pregnancy, and she helps me feel more comfortable with it. But she keeps mentioning having grandkids around. It makes me feel guilty, like she wants me to keep my baby, even though she says it's up to me.
Wednesday 2/3/99
I finally got AP profiles! One I really like, because they seem to be very down-to-earth people. I'm nervous, though. The profiles make things more real. But I can't wait to meet my child's future parents. I feel like this is what makes all the
pain worthwhile-being able to give a family the one thing they want most and being able to give my child the one thing I want most for it.
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"I DIDN'T KNOW THAT ANYTHING COULD BE THIS PAINFUL. I ASK MYSELF OVER AND OVER IF WHAT I'M DOING IS RIGHT…SOMETIMES I FEEL INCREDIBLY SAD - NOT FOR MY CHILD BUT FOR ME."
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Friday 2/5/99
I went home and showed Dad and my stepmother, Kris, my AP profiles. They had the same view on them that I did. But on the way home I started feeling really sad about how my life has changed and how I was going to miss my baby. I try as hard as I can to shove away my emotions about the adoption until I can deal with them. Right now, it's more than I can bear. I'm frightened that I just won't be able to go through with it. I wish that I could just sign my rights away now and get it over with, so that there's no room for backing out.
Sunday 2/7/99
My feet and ankles have been swelling so much. It's disgusting and uncomfortable. My tummy is getting so big, and my belly button is about to pop. My breasts are becoming big and painful, and I'm getting stretch marks on them.
